VENTING. SORRY. I NEED IT. BAD.

Well, Presha you taught me that when I'm frustrated to write, and this is kinda the same concept. Okay, not going to lie, I want that boy to marry me already! I know I'm 18, and we wont end up getting married for quite a while but let me tell you, it still just sucks just wanting to be with someone completely in like every way all the time and you can't. Its... stressful. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like he will never ask me. Which I know is irrational, but just because it is doesn't mean feeling like this is avoidable. I wish it were because I know he will. I know he wants to. I know that if we got married right now things would be just a mess, and that freaks him out so much. Why doesn't it scare me? I feel like having a mess of a life would be okay as long as he is there. I just feel like I'm going nowhere. I want to progress, move forward with my life, get the best part started. I feel so behind. IRRATIONAL! Why do I feel this way when I know its absurd?! Why do I have to be so impatient! Because I just love him so much! Its a very insecure, rickety feeling. I think thats why I'm just in a hurry. I want to feel stable and he seems to be one of the very few things in my life that is constant. I don't want to loose that. He really loves me, and I really love him. That will be enough forever, thats what helps me get over all this, just knowing that he is there with me, freaking out right by my side ha ha. Sorry for the ventilation session! I feel much better now. :)