dont be stupid.

Wow, what a feeling. Thinking you could loose the most important thing in your life. That is the worst feeling other than actually loosing someone. I cant even start to explain how dumb I can be. Its crazy how I could just ruin everything if I chose to! Its so easy to do! I never ever want to know that feeling again. I never want to know what it would be like to not have Jason. Ahh. I really do think I would die. Learning the hard way is something that I am well acquainted with and I absolutely do not like it! Its like the saying you never know what you have until its gone, but twisted in some weird complicated way! I know I probably make no sense at all, but at least now I really know what is important in my life. Who really loves me with all his heart. I never realized how much he loves me. I am the most blessed woman so have such a love so strong and distinguishing in my life. Ladies, if you have the love of an incredible man, don't ever, ever let him go. I promise that he loves you if he is willing to take a few curve balls for you. Love is so complicated, and it hurts, and its fun, exciting, terrifying and simply incredible. Including all the pain, tears, bumps and scratches that you get along the way. I have a new appreciation for being loved by someone. There is nothing in the world more important to me.

I found mine and Jason's new song... for now :))

"Its about your heart."
By: Mindy Gledhill

I don't mind your odd behavior
It's the very thing I love
If you were an ice cream flavor
You would be my favorite one
My imagination sees you
Like a painting by Van Gogh
Starry nights and bright sunflowers
Follow you where you may go
Oh, I've loved you from the start
In every single way
And more each passing day
You are brighter than the stars
Believe me when I say
It's not about your scars
It's all about your heart
You're a butterfly held captive
Small and safe in your cocoon
Go on you can take your time
Time is said to heal all wounds
Chorus
Like a lock without a key
Like a mystery without a clue
There is no me if I cannot have you
Chorus
Jessica and I are actually going to see her (Minday Gledhill) in concert on June 3rd for FREE! We are so excited! We have been listening to all her songs lately and she is surprisingly so good!! Thanks Katie for showing her to me! I think that I can officially say that I will be addicted to her for the next month! :)

P.S. The song lyrics above..are the first song that plays on my blogger playlist! :)

A Sticky Situation!

Haha I always have some hilarous story to tell after spend a day driving around with Melissa! We were on our way home from the mall and wedding dress shopping and we had went and gotten two HUGE snow cones! We each got rasberry so the syrup was dark red! As we were pulling away from the snow shack Melissa all of sudden yells "Hold this! Hold this!" haha before I could even turn my head she was shoving her HUGE snow cone right at mine and BAM! All over the car door! She was just trying to grab the wheel so she didnt hit a curb but when she shoved that snow cone towards me she might as well have been punching it with all her force! Haha it was so funny we were laughing the rest of the way home! :))

one week down.. ten to go

I've made it one week! Sheesh it feels like it has been so much longer! I'm excited that he will be home for a week in the beginning of July! It's a good half way point! there is only 5 weeks until then! Although I do KNOW that I need distractions. I have been thinking of hobbies that I can do after work to keep my mind and my hands busy while he is gone and I have it! I am going to make a quilt! A QUILT! I have never been to great at sewing but I have plenty of time to make it perfect! I have a few patterns in mind but this is the one that I have my eye on.. keep in mind that the colors may change completely since I have yet to go fabric shopping! I love making blankets! I made a fleece one for Jason two Christmas's ago and he loves it so I think a quilt will be super adorable to try! Growing up, in my house we never had enough comfy blankets so I am going to try and just make and make tons of blankets to keep forever! If any of you have any ideas for them make sure to tell me!

Fiesta ala Katie and Tabitha :))

Katie and I planned a Fiesta Party for Cinco De Mayo this year as kind of a going away party for Jason. It turned out so cute! We literally spent about two weeks planning it and getting everything in order. It was a complete success. We are planning a movie party outside the week that Jason will be home in July so stay tuned!

It amazes me how mexican they really did look with their stashes haha

This is what a real "MEXICAN MAN KISS" is in Jasons head.

You dont see me complaining haha I love this picture!

(note the cute decor!)

Cheers to the party planners! :)

Jasons face in this kills me haha it shows a peek at all their personalities!

All the boys :))

what the?

I wish I had a handbook for my life, something to reassure me where I'm going and if I'm going to be okay. I feel as if I am going no where. Every single person in my life is having some life altering event happening, and I am just sitting here, trying to figure out my next move. School starts in the fall sure, but thats not exactly the type of adventure I really want to sink my feet into. Jason is what I want. My boyfriend hundreds of miles away, and I feel as though all I am is a big ball of panic. (I have just got to be worring him with all the stuff I'm stressing about hahaha.) I dont know what to do or where to go from here. I wish Jason could just notice that I am just so willing to give him everything I am possibly am. Actually, I am sure he does know it, I just wish that it would hit him a little closer to home. I wish he was here. I would give up everything I have to just have him here... and he hasnt even been gone a week yet. Thats horrible. Its just so hard to function with half of you missing! I know that all of you girls with your significant other know exactly what I'm talking about. Mmhmm. I knew you did. Sheesh this is going to be a long summer. On the up side of things, Nicole is PREGNANT! And Waylon and Melissa are engaged, and Buckley is going on a mission!! See where I feel as though I am not getting anything accomplished? haha sorry for all the blah blah blah but writing always makes we feel just a tiny bit better. XOXO

Down to 14 days left, and 1 summer to go.

Well, this is it. The big 2 weeks left. I know this will make us stronger, its just the whole summer? I cant wait for that week in July that he will be here. What a good half way mark! Plus he is going to be flying me out there for my birthday this year! Or at least thats the plan! I can actually feel it coming again. Like a freaking black plague here to try and haunt me all summer! Psh! I wont let that happen! Although if Nicole were here she would make this summer so much more enjoyable and it would go by quicker! Its okay though! Katie and I have plenty of plans! She just got a cruiser for Easter from David so now we are going to be riding our bikes everywhere all summer! That will be fun! :) Oh and we are going to make jam! FREEZER JAM! mmmmm:)) yummmy! Speaking of which! Our Fiesta is in 6 days!! Ahh! Its coming up! It is going to be off the hook! I will definitely be taking a ton a pictures!! :)

Jason just thinks he is so funny!

So we were over at Dave and Katie's the other night dyeing easter eggs and Jason pointed to one of the cups and asked me to take the egg inside of it out. As I did it was clear what he had written on it.. "Will U Marry Me?" hahaha what a little jokester eh? Yeah I knew he was joking so I was just like oh you think you are so funny! Then he said "Yeah but now if I keep teasing you you wont believe me and the time I actually do propose you wont even believe me until I'm on one knee!" That line right there made up for all his teasing! :)

mmhmm:)

Well, this is like a journal, so I will say whatever I want on here! First off let me start off by saying how much I freaking love that man? Jason is absolutely perfect for me in like every way! It still, after 2 years! BLOWS MY MIND. I never thought I could love another person this much! What an incredible blessing! Ahh! We are going on a date tomorrow night! I cant wait! I have barely seen him for the past 2 weeks so when we have seen each other its like that amazing feeling that you get when you really realize you cant live with out that person. I had this really crappy morning and all I wanted to do was to see him(of course he was sleeping cause he worked all night.) But when I got there and gave him a hug, I just felt so at peace.  Just knowing that he was all I needed caused me to get all emotional hahaha.  I must be rambling. It was just a great feeling to know that he is all I will ever need. Its incredible. I cant believe I have been so blessed. Anywho, I know I really need to take more current pictures so I will try to remember tomorrow! :)
Goodnight.

Almost another amazing landmark together:)

Well, on July 20th, it will be mine and Jason's 2 year anniversary! (Which coincidentally happens to be my sisters birthday. Go figure!) I cant believe we have made it this far baby! You are my light :) I cant wait to re create this picture every year!

THE BEST FRIEND IS HERE!!

Well, Presha has been staying with me for the past week because her husband is up in Idaho training for Vivent. I wish I had some pictures to show of how much fun we are having together! Even with little baby Brooklynn attached at Presha's hip it still feels as though nothing has changed since she moved out, got married, had a baby. haha so much has happened!! How exciting for her though! We have been everywhere in the past week! It has been a fun kind of hectic :) I am sad that she leaves in two days! We decided to start a book club, if you're interested in joining let me know! Its a good way to stay connected with each other all summer! Our book for April is THE SHINING! OHHH! Scaryyy! haha (Inspired by that famous friends episode where Joey is reading it and gets so scared he put the book in the freezer hahahaha!) Well. I will try to take some pictures tomorrow! BUT. No promises!

VENTING. SORRY. I NEED IT. BAD.

Well, Presha you taught me that when I'm frustrated to write, and this is kinda the same concept. Okay, not going to lie, I want that boy to marry me already! I know I'm 18, and we wont end up getting married for quite a while but let me tell you, it still just sucks just wanting to be with someone completely in like every way all the time and you can't. Its... stressful. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like he will never ask me. Which I know is irrational, but just because it is doesn't mean feeling like this is avoidable. I wish it were because I know he will. I know he wants to. I know that if we got married right now things would be just a mess, and that freaks him out so much. Why doesn't it scare me? I feel like having a mess of a life would be okay as long as he is there. I just feel like I'm going nowhere. I want to progress, move forward with my life, get the best part started. I feel so behind. IRRATIONAL! Why do I feel this way when I know its absurd?! Why do I have to be so impatient! Because I just love him so much! Its a very insecure, rickety feeling. I think thats why I'm just in a hurry. I want to feel stable and he seems to be one of the very few things in my life that is constant. I don't want to loose that. He really loves me, and I really love him. That will be enough forever, thats what helps me get over all this, just knowing that he is there with me, freaking out right by my side ha ha. Sorry for the ventilation session! I feel much better now. :)

blast from the past!

So, the woman that cut my hair recently, I grew up with! Like when I say grew up with I mean from the time I was 3 to 6 we did everything together! She is 12 years older than me but I just love her the same! She used to cut my hair for me and today I got on facebook and she had found a picture of me when I was 6 with the same hair cut I had gotten from her just a little over a week ago! I love it too! Awe to be little and clueless again! :)

First hair cut in 7 years and Im in love!

I chopped my hair off today, all I needed was a little positive push and I just went for it! I have been talking about cutting it off for like 3 years now and I finally did it! I LOVE it! I couldnt be happier! I cant believe it all gone! I keep reaching to pull it to the side and it just isnt there haha it is so worth it! I feel much older now haha. Plus I really needed a change!

Quite the ride.

Well, I slept horribly last night. I woke up every 10 minutes. (I'm not exaggerating this time Presh!) When I woke up I was so exhausted. Melissa called me asking me to go shopping with her for her new work clothes, so we met up.  When I got to her house I was starting to have a really really bad stomach ache and as we were driving to Draper it was just getting worse until all of a sudden I was yelling at Melissa! "Mel pull over! Pull over right now!!" The second the car stopped and the door opened I was throwing up. I didn't eat this morning either so I still don't understand why it was so much. Sorry if I'm grossing you out. It was just a crazy experience. Yesterday I barely had a cold. Now, I have a horrible cold and the flu. Whats next?! 

Actual fever.

Boo. My mom and I both just got this funky virus. I have had a fever for the past 3 days and she has just been in bed all day! I swear I just got over this stupid little illness less then a month ago. Maybe its because I changed everything that I have been eating lately. (No breads, mainly veggies and fruits. Very little meat.) My body is probably just freaking out. This sucks though. I swear I'm always sick with something. Ever since I was little! Its getting old! I tell you as soon as I marry Jason and have health insurance I am going in for a FULL check up! I hope I don't get Jason sick! He works nights as a security guard for SLC and Park City. I think I got it from Jackson and Konnor when I babysat for Jessica and Justin's anniversary! That's it! I got it from the babies! Awe:( I think what sucks the most about getting sick is that it really interferes with work! Its hard to word when you feel like crap. Well, that's all for now. XOXO

Bieber Fever! :)

Well, Melissa Madison and I went to the extented version of the Justin Bieber movie last night and before I saw it I really didnt care for Justin Bieber, but oh my gosh I think after seeing it Im slowing becoming infatuated with a 16 year old boy haha. He is so cute! He really reminds me of Hunter! But it was so much fun! The movie was 3 hours! Completely worth it. He is such a cute kid! I loved it! After we just tried loosing our voices screaming all his songs on the way home haha. It was good to feel like a kid again for a night! :) Its safe to say that I officially have BIEBER FEVER! :)

snow, snow go away!

Okay, so last night as I was setting my alarm, I decided "Eh I can sleep in 20 minutes longer than every other day and still make it to work. Ill be fine!" Oh dear, I was WRONG. I woke up to a blizzard. My little Ford Focus can barley make it when its not even snowing that bad! So I went, cleaned off my car.. then decided it probably wasnt a smart idea to drive in this. (Considering I only learned how to really master stick shift about 3 weeks ago.) So no work for me today.. Lovely. I think this has happened to me like 4 times this winter! I sure dont like it! I have things I need to do today! One thing is for sure, I am checking the next day weather every night from now on!

584 Days Together.

Wow, 584 days? That absolutely blows my mind. I have never wanted to be with someone longer than like...2 weeks haha ask Presha! She will tell you that I never really had relationships with someone before Jason! Look at me now. Completely head over heals for the most amazing man that I've ever met. I dont know how he caught me but I couldnt be happier. He is an incredible person. My best friend. I am so lucky that I fell in love with my best friend. Oh and I am extremely proud to say that I won my first tickel war on 2/20/11. Thats right! I almost made him pee that morning! :)  He is what my world revolves around, which sounds scary at first but I couldnt feel more secure. How come I'm so blessed? Im going to marry this boy, I can promise you that. While I am on the subject of Jason I will just tell you a little about us. We will have been together for 2 years on July 20th! We spend as much time together as we possibly can, cause I dont think we could ever get sick of eachother... haha oh I know it will happen one day! We get along swimmingly hahaha!  He left last summer for work to Canada for 6 months, and that was probably one of thee hardest things I have ever had to do.. and guess what! I have to do it again in 3 months! Lovely. This time is going to be so much harder! Although it is for less time it will still seem like forever. Whatever doesnt kill us makes us stronger right? RIGHT! He is my everything, and I his. We plan on staying that way forever :)  I LOVE him so much! To pretty muc sum us up, we are crazy about eachother and thats all that really matters

Finally an office of my own..

Well, My job at Farmers is quickly becoming a bigger and bigger part of my life every day. Everyday a new responsibility, everyday a harder task. I used to share an office with a bunch of really messy boys. Im not kidding when I say REALLY MESSY. Oh kill me if I ever have to do that again! OH! and they use to take my pens! WHY? I dont know. Super annoying though. So now I have my own office. Finally! I am somewhat lazy so I find myself pushing myself through my comfort zone everyday. I am not a very vocal person when it come to talking to people I don't know, but thats all my job is about. Its a good challenge for me, cause heaven knows that I need to just slap that horse in the face once and for all and just get over that stupid fear. I mean they are just people for heavens sake! But none the less I am just loving work right now. The other women and I are getting along quite nicely too. :) Thats whats happening on the work front!